Dear Bipolar Disorder,
While you were not initially welcomed with open and loving arms into my life, I have since come to terms with the fact that you and I are lifelong partners. I am sorry that it took me so long to realize that I needed to listen to you and learn from you, so that I could better help you.
You are pretty tricky, my friend. Sometimes you keep me up all night when I need sleep the most, and other times you make me so tired I can’t get out of bed all day long. You make me grumpy with people who mean no harm, and you constantly encourage me to question myself and my judgment.
Not everyone likes you. Many of my friends and boyfriends have packed up and left for good because you reared your ugly head too many times and they just couldn’t take it anymore. It is better now that we found out what medication routine works best for keeping your irrationality at bay. The ECT really knocked you on your ass a little bit it that regard.
Sometimes you lie to me. Sometimes you make me think that I am worthless, and that life is not worth living. You make me doubt my greatness, and question my inherent talents. And other times you lie to me in a way that makes me feel too good about myself. You tell me that I am so great and build up my ego so much that I do some pretty crazy things and other people don’t react well to that.
Overall though, I am glad that I have you in my life. Because once I learned how to start managing you and taking charge a little bit, I found that I wasn’t meant to fit into the normal measures of success that most people are. You and I are not meant to work a 9-5, and being told what to do by someone else just really isn’t our style either.
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have started my interior design business. I wouldn’t have discovered how many things I am great at, and how much I love making my clients’ homes beautiful.
If it weren’t for you, Bipolar Disorder, I would have a bunch of friends in my life that don’t actually accept me for who I really am. When I made the decision to be completely public about my illness is when my life changed the most. And it was for the better. Because of you, the friends I have are my true friends, thick and thin, and the man that I find will love me for who I really am as well. Because of you I have been given the blessing of helping others by giving advice when they have mental health concerns or questions.
Let’s be friends from now on. I know we are going to have some really shitty times ahead of us, and some pretty awesome ones too. But I am not going to fight you anymore. I am going to work with you, listen to what you are trying to tell me, and give you the attention that you need. No alcohol when we are depressed, no coffee in the summer days when there is a lot of light in the sky, and no jumping right back to work after crossing time zones for travel. I will try my best to give you exercise and keep going to acupuncture because I know you are really balanced when I do those things in addition to feeding you the medication that you need.
Yours Truly,
-M
mybeautifulmonster 